Solve Your Problems - Organize Your Thoughts
October 22nd, 2007
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Few weeks ago, a problem emerged at my job and no matter how hard I have tried to solve it, I ended up without any solution. This whole situation occupied every aspect of my life and soon all I can think off, was my job problem. My emotional and family life suffered and it really started to gets on my nerves. I knew I had to do something about it… pronto!
Then, I remembered the book I read few months ago about mind mapping. It was Tony Buzan’s book - The Mind Map Book
I started a brainstorming and made the mind map. It was fun! In the beginning, I felt like a child doodling on the paper and making a silly cartoon drawing, but soon solution emerged. As always, it was complicated situation with very simple solution. 
The Mind Map Book
It is fun and easy way to disassemble problems and thoughts so you can understand them better using both sides of your brain and finally, to discover the solution. Great thing about mind mapping is that with every new map you are getting better and more creative and in the end you always learn something new and positive about yourself.
How to Find Your True Love in Five Easy Steps
September 12th, 2007
You’ll agree that whatever goal you want to achieve, the best way is to make a good plan. Finding a true love is so important in everyone’s life that you should make a good solid plan to achieve it, too.
If you want to know how to find your true love, I’ll tell you: it will maybe take a shorter or longer time, but it will happen and it is quite easy.
So, this is how to find your true love in five easy steps:
- Take a piece of paper and name it “Bad Personal Traits” and make a list of all bad characteristics (physical, mental, emotional, financial, social…) that you wouldn’t like to find in your soul mate’s character. Take a time to do this. Think of every bad relationship that you and your friends or relatives have had and include these bad personal traits in your list too.
- Take another piece of paper, name it “My True Love” and make a list of all characteristic (physical, mental, emotional, financial, social…) that you’d like to find in your true love’s character. Look at the examples of the good relationships around you and use your own good experiences to inspire you. Don’t rush this step. Fill your “My True Love” list with love and patience.
- Take “Bad Personal Traits” list and on your “My True Love” list add one by one, totally opposite traits of these you find on your “Bad Personal Traits” list, in case they aren’t on your good list already.
- Take “Bad Personal Traits” list and burn it somewhere, but be careful, don’t make a fire. By doing this, decide that from now, whenever you think of your true love, you’ll think of it with optimism and love. You’ll never again connect the characteristics from “Bad Personal Traits” list with your soul mate. For example if you think: “I hope my soul mate will not be a cheater!” - this is not good, because you’ve connected bad characteristics “cheater” with “soul mate”. Think in present time good things about your love, for example: “My true love is wise and handsome!”. It doesn’t matter if you are still single, think of your true love as he/she is already in your life.
- Take your “My True Love” list everywhere with you. Read it whenever you have time, everyday. Memorize it! Fantasize about your love and imagine that he or she is in your life already. Fell the happiness he or she is bringing in your life!
Be patient! You are on your path to find your true love. Have fun!
Fear of Rejection and Signs of Cheating In Relationships
August 14th, 2007
I see a lot of people in constant fear of being cheated in relationships. They tend to be jealous and possessive, very difficult to be with because they can’t let go and trust, but above all, they are unhappy and insecure because they actually fear of rejection.
If you find yourself looking for signs of cheating in your partner, if you read articles that promise you magic formula in discovering a cheater or listen shows that promise you the same, please stop.
Take a moment of your time and think; why are you really looking for signs of cheating in your relationship? Think of this question carefully and you’ll see that you are losing no matter if he or she is cheating or not.
It doesn’t matter if your partner is cheating on you, it matters that you are thinking of it and you can’t concentrate on anything else. You are giving him a power that doesn’t belong to him/her. Your power! You are giving him/her the power to be in charge of your happiness and no one can be responsible for your happiness, but you. You are making yourself happy or miserable and no one else. It is your choice! You are the master of your life, not someone else.
If you know, for sure, that your partner is cheating on you, do something about it. If you are not sure, you are just suspecting that he/she is cheating and this suspicion goes on and on and on, you have a problem and it doesn’t involve your partner. Believe it or not, but you are just using your partner as a blindfold so you can hide from yourself the things form your life that really bother you.
The problem is that you, somehow, deep inside, believe that you are not worth his/her love and by that you actually give him/her right to cheat on you and to reject you. Think: what makes you feel so insecure about yourself?
Maybe, you weight few pounds more than you should or you don’t have blue eyes or you are not successful as you would like to be… whatever problem you hide inside of your soul, that makes you feel insecure about yourself, now it is time for you to discover it. This is your real problem!
By taking your very first step in resolving your real problem, your self esteem will grow and you’ll feel great knowing that you are doing something good for yourself. All the power that you have been giving to your partner, by making him/her in charge of your own happiness or misery, will be yours again and you’ll be free to love and to trust again.
Relationship Advice Column: How Do I Find Love?
July 23rd, 2007
Whenever I hear someone ask “How do I find love?” question, the first thing that comes to my mind is:” Why do you need love?”
If you are desperate to find love, it means you are lonely and you feel incomplete and with these two feelings you tend to be very, very tolerant, more tolerant than it is healthy for you, when you choose a partner.
We are all sometimes lonely, but I must tell you; loneliness is very tricky. When we feel lonely and receive attention from potential partners, we can easily make mistake and take it as love, even if this person doesn’t meet our basic emotional needs.
When you find yourself searching for love, it would be better to go out with your friends or go some places where you can find some new friends. Trying to find new friends and social networking is much healthier then finding love. When you are looking for friends, you are probably going find some and some of them might become a love of your life, but when you look for love, you are rushing in and there is good chance that you are going to have a heart break.
Finding love is a process, it has its steps and missing a step or two can cost you more than you are able to pay. These are steps everyone should make in order to find true love:
- Meet someone you are attracted to
- Get to know him/her by becoming friends to see if you are having any common interests in life. Remember, you should feel very comfortable with who you are when you are with this person.
- In case you have common views in life and you still feel attracted to each other, start dating and have fun.
- If you both have urge to spend more and more time together, get into serious relationship and stop seeing other people.
- Become the best friends and true support to each other.
- You are both thinking about living together or marriage.
- Congratulation! You have found your true love!
Take time! Don’t rush things in! Don’t try to find love, let love finds you.
Commitment Phobia and Fear of Intimacy
July 19th, 2007
Since I was a little girl, I have often heard about men’s incapability to make relationship commitment and their unbelievable fear of intimacy. I didn’t get it. What, in the world, could be better than having someone who would be always here for you and who would love you no matter what?! I have really believed that was exclusively a men’s issue.
Now, we witness more and more women in their 30’s and 40’s, still single and very anxious about getting committed. Why?!
In one hand, I deeply believe that media have their blame in it, in the other, watching lives of our mothers, no matter if they had a happy or not so happy marriage, don’t help.
This is why I blame media, movies, commercials and similar for girls having commitment phobia:
- They made us think that everyone of us has one and only Mr. Right, which is not true. Why is not true? Well, we grow and change by every day and what suited us yesterday, often doesn’t suit us today. So, yesterdays Mr. Right, possible would be wrong for us today, which is kind of good to know. Now we can be more realistic, not to wait for the perfect one, but for one who will be ready to grow and change with us and these are easier to find than perfect one. Remember, I didn’t say easy, I said easier.
When I think of women who are generation of our mothers, all I see is a sacrifice. They sacrificed their careers, their time and life for happiness of their children and husbands. If they were happy, the whole relationship commitment was easier, but if they were not happy, it was a disaster.
No matter which of these two was the case, I don’t like to see today’s modern women to sacrifice anything. I believe that women have to find a new relationship success formula, so we don’t have to fear that we will be in need to sacrifice important parts of our beings.
Also, to denial that we need someone who will be our lover and a friend, to commit our time and love to him, would be the same sacrifice. We don’t know what future brings and we can’t know if our relationship is meant to be forever, but what we will always be sure of is that we were brave, we gave our best and we won’t have any regrets.
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